Lottery Showdown

Sunny bright day. I was on a vacation with Mother and the Wife. Somehow, in my infinite wisdom, I forgot my portable charger and my phone was about to die from all the music I was playing  DJ-ing in the car. Then, suddenly, one of the Wife’s four sisters decided to hit on me. Confused and slightly aroused, I allowed her lips to brush against mine. Meh, no electricity. She smiled seductively as she sat back into her seat. Meanwhile, I was still fixated on my dying phone.

Fast forward to scene #2.

“Boy, go buy lottery tickets please.”


So off I went on a lottery errand. I stepped into the shop. There was a booth in it. A panel of glass on a counter separated the man inside from where I am. And lo and behold, it was a certain fluffy youtuber in there. His slitty bored eyes staring at the opulent television box in front of him. His mind, paying no regards to the handsome, equally fluffy and awesome individual that just stepped into his shop.

“Ahem,” I cleared my throat to catch his attention. “Lottery tickets please, like 50 of them.” On introspective hindsight, I have no idea my dream-self is such an avid gambler. The man, lets call him So, moved reluctantly as he struggled up to his feet, reached for a bundle of lottery forms in his cabinet before lumbering over to the counter.

“That will be $60 dollars.” He mumbled, a flash of annoyance on his face as he semi-rolled his slitty korean eyes. I handed So the money. As I looked at the forms, I realised it needed a stamp from the retailer to make it legally binding so I voiced my concern. So made no attempt to conceal his contempt as he grabbed the lottery forms from me, went back to his coveted throne and landed his corpulent mass of ass on his seat. After waiting for a good amount of time, I realized that he hasn’t been stamping those forms but rather, So has been watching the goddamn television.


So ignored me.

Annoyed at his attitude, I started yelling for my money back but he seemed to ignore me. By this time, a crowd of people has gathered to view the mockery that is this spectacle. Begrudgingly, he sauntered over with the grace of an elephant wounded by poachers. He gave me a “what the fuck can you do” look as I glared at him.

“Return me my money you cunt.” I grunted.

So’s face changed as he moved his behemoth’s body to the counter, and with a grunt, flipped it towards me.

Well, apparently, in my dream, I have the dexterity of the Kungfu Kid or Ipman or Jackie fucking Chan. I leaped backwards just in time as my muscles all tensed up. My dream adrenaline flowed through my body as I prepared for a physical confrontation.

So charged at me, bellowing as he did so. I side stepped and raised my right fist at that precise moment in time, causing So to hi-5 my right fist with his face. He staggered backwards, clutching his tender cheeks.

Seizing the opportunity, I leaped at him and did a somersault kick. I flipped my body forward in a spin and landed my right heel on his face as I landed on my left foot. A sickening crunch could be heard when I impacted his face. It promptly knocked him out. The crowd goes wild. Suck it So.


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